What is this? All of these worries within this heart of mine. I’ve been feeling so worried all day long. Worried about work, blockages to my creativity, boundaries to the implementation of my ideas in order to reach my goals, worried about the happiness of people that depend on me and I’m worried about health.
I feel the worries pounding in my heart; at my heart. I think I feel a little frightened of all of the challenges I must face now and until the rest of this month… I need to shake myself and tell myself: “Nina, stop right now and remember the person you have been raised to become or have learned to become: hardworking no matter in what situation, independent and loyal to the Lord.”
I broke down before without the guidance of the Lord. So I won’t be frightened now, I won’t give up. If I were to give up, I would give up on the Lord. I must trust in the Lord. This isn’t my life, this is his. <3
Refueling my inner self with “Jesus, lover of my soul” before closing my eyes to the night.
Tomorrow, I’ll be stronger.
A dream of mine is to have a little family of my own in the future and live in a small and cozy home. It will be a home, not a house and it shall be small so that love will not be able to find any way to escape. It will be a home over-filled with love and I will teach my offspring 10 different love languages so that we won’t misunderstand another. A house doesn’t behold any value, no matter how grand it is, when it doesn’t feel like a home…
<3
Quite a day, Yesterday. Sunny, long, then windy, cold and freezing. I didn’t return back home from work until 1:30am in the morning and just felt like dropping into the cloud (bed) without hesitation when I opened the door… Too much of any kind of activity can leave you groovy at times, doesn’t it? No matter how grand your dedication and love for it is. To me, I feel this way when it comes to work…
In this state of exhaustion, I found a treasure in the kitchen- dinner prepared and carefully wrapped up, awaiting for my siblings and my arrival… Even now my eyes fill up with tears at the thought of this moment. It was one of our favourite dishes my mother cooked for these hungry, grown-up children of hers. The treasure I found was not only within the food but within my mother’s care and the everlasting amount of love she fills my family up with.
I am no longer 18, yet I feel like just a little girl that still needs time to grow. One who lacks in many ways as a daughter. Six to seven days a week, I am always drowned in work but every day she smiles at me and tells me to forget about sadness and to be happy. She sees what lies beneath the surface. Every day she reminds me to eat more and to rest earlier from work… How do I deserve so many treasures from her?
I promise to work hard so that I can find more time to spend with father and you in the near future and learn to cook all of the wonderful dishes you provide us. I cannot believe how blessed I am with such a wonderful woman in my life and that she is the one I call Mother. <3
Love, always.
Nina
I wish I could but I just cannot get mad at the person who stole my heart and murdered love…
